Mission Failed
by XoxStrifexoX
Summary: Heero is caught during a mission infiltrating OZ.. Zechs chooses to do the honors of interrogating the boy... Heero left alone to rot in his cell with only daily visits from zechs wishes for death to overcome him... can trowa save him ? PLEASE REVIEW
1. Chapter 1

**Heero POV pairings: 1+3 **

**Rape warning violence depressing very disturbing you've been warned!! LEMON**

**yaoiyaoiyaoi don't like it don't read it!! **

**:A soldier stand in front of Zechs outside of a prison cell:**

"Zechs sir... The enemy has been captured Sir," the young soldier informed his superior.

_wh-whos voice..._

"It appears the intruder was zero one, he was found trying to copy the bases top secret security files Sir."

_where...am I...what...happened..._

"When he fled we managed to apprehand zero one... However there are a few casualities and a number of others are injured.. Once subdued we restrained him, he might not be awake yet Sir..."

_...Injured...killed...the mission...the files! ...No I haven't failed yet...If I could just..._

I try to move my body but I can barely feel any of my movements "K'so," I curse myself harshly. I can here the sounds outside of this holding unit but still... They sound wavey and distant.

_I need...I need to... my surrounds..._

I try to open my eyes but only manage to open them half lidded. The room is pitch black with the exception of the line of light streaming from under the closed door infront of me. It hurts my eyes to peer at it but I try anyway to follow the shadows blocking the thin stream of light. I try to move my hands and find my movement limited... Feeling is starting coming back to my body but the only feeling that floods my senses is pain... I can feel something cold and heavy grasping my wrists. I tug at my arms and hear the clanking of metal chains. All to apparent that I am anchored down, I tug at them and try to bend them, brake them, twist them, anything! But it becomes obivious that the metal must be too thick for even me to bend.

_No use in wasting my energy... I need to come up with another plan of action..._

"Understood, you are dismissed...,"

"Sir'," the soldier proclaimed with a salute.

Zechs face twists in a wicked grin as he turns and opens the door to Heero's cell.

** "**Heero, it's been a long...long...time...," Zechs eyes the young pilot with a smirk.

I had to shut my eyes immediately as the light floodied my eyes, and that voice... My muscles tighten at his voice. My head bowed as I look through the messy strands of brown hair that hang infront of my face.

** "**...Zechs...," I hiss his name.

_This isn't good zechs is too unpredictable.. Theres something about him that always put me on edge and this time was no exception..._

** "**You seem to be slipping boy, and such a shame you really are a lovely boy...," His sinister tone sends chills down my spine.

He shuts the door behind him and walks slowly towards me. I can't help but tense, however my eyes do not waver. He comes just out of my reach and crouches down infront of me his hand comes up slowly to my face as he caresses it. My eyes slightly widen and I attempt to thrust myself out of his reach, but he grabs my jaw and holds tightly onto my face. His own face not even inches from mine and all I can do is give him a deadly stare.

_If I only had one hand free..._

**"**...Heero, so tell me, what exactly are you doing here, what is your mission? Surely you didn't come all the way here just to see me now did you? Hm?"

"Hn" was my only response and I feel a swift punch connect to the right side of my face. I spit the blood now pooling in my mouth at him. I miss his face but he is clearly not too happy about the fresh blood on the trim of his OZ uniform jacket. Another fists connects and before I can react I feel the wind getting knocked from my lungs as he punches me just under my rib cage. As my body curls forward involuntarily I feel his rough hand squezze around my throat and pushes me against the wall. My arms stretch against the chains and shackles that bind them. I can feel them pull unmericlessly against my joints.

_You can't brake me like this Zechs...you should know that...what are you planning_

I can't help but to grow suspicious I had a gut instinct that something was going to happen...The more frustrated he gets the more violent get and the more frustrating he was becoming, but I could've never expected what he did next...

As he held me by my throat against the wall I saw him faintly in the dark licking his lips. I recieved yet another blow to my already heavily bruised stomach. I firmed my abs in preparation for another painful punch... However instead of a punch I felt him run his free hand up my green tank top and against my stomach moving up my chest. I tense even more. I want to knock him away, I tug feverishly at the shackles confinding my wrist. I can feel his hands start to make there way over my chest and down to my sides, I try to kick him. He drops me to the floor and stomps hard onto my knee cap. I can hear the bones crunch under his foot against the cement floor and I resist a cry of pain and only manage to allow a small groan to hum in my throat.

"Whats wrong...? You know all you have to do is tell me why you're here... What do you plan to do with those files, hm?"

He rips my tank top free from my body and the cold air hits me. I push my back against the wall and turn my head to the left. I can feel the concrete wall pressed flat against my back and the side of my face. I keep pushing back with my one good leg as if I could futher push myself from his reach but there's no where else I can go. I find myself wishing I could melt with the wall behind me.

"You've always been such a lovely boy...," his tone thick with lust.

I can see him take me in... It's disguisting and I can do little to fight him. My mind keeps racing..._ There has to be some way out..._ To think logically is impossible at this point... I'm panicking, I need to calm down... But any chance at calming myself completely disminishes as I feel a knife and his hand snake there way up my bad leg. The knife tip drags dangerously close over my skin until I feel him reach my thigh. He buries the knife under the spandex of my shorts than immediately I feel the knife twist and pull upwards ripping the fabric. Almost in the same motion he rips off my shorts and I am left bare to his eyes. My breath is heavy now, and all I can see is his twisted smirk as he looks me over again. I pull harder against my restraints but again its no use. I squeeze my eyes shut as hard as I can and continue to pull and tug at the metal restraints.

My heart is racing. I feel the blood pumping through my veins. My stomach in knots and I can feel a heavy weight in my chest.

_Is..Is this fear?_

I freeze as I hear him unzipping his pants and almost instantly I start to panick again ripping at my restraints even harder

_I need to get away!! I have to get away!! NOW!! I need to get away!!_

My panick is nearly silenced by a swift kick across my face. My head hits the wall with a large smack before practically bouncing off the wall from the impact. My ears ring and my sights blurry. I can just barely feel his hands grab at my thighs and pull me almost competely on my back. I find it hard to focus and before I can fight back I experience the worst pain I've ever felt. My eyes shot wide and my breath fell short, the pain altogether bringing me out of my dazed state... How I wish that daze still over came me.. I'm screaming... I'm almost certain of it... but I can't hear my voice... The painful lump in my throat confirms my screams are being held there, unable to reach past my lips. The pain I experience is like no other, it feels as though someone tore me in half and my body involuntarily jumps away from the object now buried in me. Wanting trying to get away. Tears follow suit as he slams himself in me again, and all I can do is whimper. No training could've ever prepared me for such pain. At the next thrust he takes into me I feel the vomit rising from my stomach, I nearly choke on it until he slap me hard across the face and I spit it in the direction my head flew. I can smell the familiar scent of blood as it invades my senses. The pain between my legs grows worse with each thrust... I can feel myself tearing around him as he moves, his pace quickens and his face disguists me. I close my eyes tightly trying to block out the pain between me, the man inside me, the blood, the noise, everything. How I wish that god would grant me the one mercy of death.

"..Whats...the matter... Heero?? ...You don't enjoy... My playing," Zechs says between his heavy grunts.

He moves his hands up my now limp legs until I feel his hand surround my cock. He begins to rub intent on arousing me. I fight it...God I fight so hard... He shifts backwards out of me and I gasp as my breath sharply leaves me. The man hunches over me and takes me in his mouth, my cock involuntarily twitches at the contact and it makes me want to vomit a thousand times over. My body betrays me as he licks at the head and pumps my length with his hand. Only being human my body responds the way it would, my cock hardens and my eyes dull. A groan escapes my lips, all I can think of is how I would love to stab that groan with a knife and twist it in my throat.

Zechs humming over Heero moves his mouth off the boy staring at him menacingly, " You seem to be enjoying yourself now... Heero..."

Zechs moves back in position and rams himself into the boy, the blood acting as a lubracate. He pumps heero with his hand and begins his onslaught on the poor boys already broken body.

A mixture of pleas, groans, crys of pain, and humilation pass through my lips.

_...killme...please..stopand...just..kill me...end it..._

My thoughts run circles around death, praying for it to take me... But I know I will not be granted such a mercy. I feel him pound harder into me knocking my head into the concrete over and over, but he doesn't seem to care as his face twists and he cums into my body. The warm feeling and twitches in my body... I want them to be gone... I want to be gone... He grips rough, far to rough, at my member and I cry out in pain. He pumps me til my own cock releases and leaves the semen to dry on my body. Once he pulls away from me I curl my legs into my chest, it's painful but it's all I can do to protect myself. I try to bury my face in my knees, my arms straining behind my back.

"K...Ki..kill...me...," a request, one I knew would be denied.

Zechs allows a sick smile across his face, " Til tommorrow Heero..."

I whimper and continue to shake and cry. I can't control myself, I hear him fix himself and leave the room slamming the cell door and leaving me in darkness. I can only cry til my mind fades into darkness...

-- Chapter end

This will be a series in progess i'm working on a few other ideas so leave feedback i'll continue soon if I hear good things.. k! look forward to reviews!!


	2. Chapter 2

Two days had past since Heero had left for his mission and no word. Trowa had been and was growing more and more nervous. Heero was always punctual. He would've no doubt contacted someone in the event of him being a second late. Heero was through, he planned things with pin point accuracy and rarely if ever slipped up. Trowa sighed at the thought, and if he did mess up he'd hand himself over to anthers judgment without a second thought. I pull my phone from my pocket and dial Quatre.

"Quatre, have you heard anything from Heero yet...?"

The line is fuzzy but I can still hear him without fail, "No... I'm sorry Trowa... There is still no word... Duo is in the area... He's now surveying the base for Heero's presence. If he was captured he'll still be on base. I'll call you with any news."

"Thank you Quatre," I whisper the words as I hang up the phone.

"Heero... please... be safe..."

--

The familiar sound of whimpering cries can be heard in the locked cell. Along with the sounds of bone cracking against bone and the spine chilling noise of cries, grunts, and moans.

"You'll crack eventually Yuy," Zechs stared down at the boy in disgust. He was hardly recognizable anymore. The only thing left to distinguish him as Heero Yuy was the messy brown hair and now empty Cobalt blue eyes. His face is swollen and bruised. A few lacerations scatter of his body, covering his arms legs and chest. His eyes look dead and glazed over, or rather eye. His right eye was now swollen shut and caked with blood that had poured down his face from a cut on his forehead. He looked frail no doubt, nothing like the fierce gundam pilot he once was. Heero looks like a helpless child as he huddles himself together in his arms praying for death to welcome him. Zech's spits at the boy, who doesn't react in the slightest. " You were far to easy to break, but braking you is useless if I can't get you to talk...Til tomorrow Heero..."

--

Trowa's phone starts to ring, he reads the ID as duo and flips the phone open throwing it to his ear, "Duo, have you found anything yet about Heero...?"

My voice is desperate. I wish for him to say no, but only because I'm afraid if Heero was caught it was likely they would torture him for details. And to hear yes would mean I know where he is... Either answer is a double edge sword.

"Trowa... They have Heero...Trowa... it..it doesn't look to good."

My heart almost stops in my chest, "What are the... circumstances..."

Duo sighed on the other line, "I don't know the details... But I do know from a few over talkative soldiers that Zechs has ..." Duo can't find the right words to complete his sentence.

Trowa wanted to scream but manages, barely, to keep his cool. " Zechs has ...what Duo...Say it."

Another pause, lasting an eternity for Trowa," Trowa... Zechs has been interrogating him... and the soldiers that guard his cell... They just said Zechs over did it..."

All Trowa can imagine is Zechs beating Heero into the cement floor._ I'm afraid of how violent he was was Heero... But Physical abuse was in our training... _Trowa ponders in confusion. Heero is the strongest out of all of us... Maybe the Soldiers are wrong... There's no way that's right... I need to get to him fast... Something is really wrong about this ...

"Duo, we moved in tonight... Whats your location..."

--

Infiltration comes easily for the acrobatic pilot and the stealthy god of death. They make there way easily to Heero's cell. It's midnight and the guard is kept to a minimum. Surely there were supposed to be more officers on duty, Trowa mused, by the rowdy town filled with cheap drinks and cheap women must have been excuse enough to 'relieve' them of their duties.

Trowa and Duo knock out the last two guards standing in their way of Heero's cell. They search him for keys and Trowa hastily opens the bell door. His heart races as he yanks the door open only to have it seemly stop all together in his chest. He looks upon the bruised and beaten boy in front of him. Evidence of his tears are seen by the two clear lines running down his face, where everywhere else he is covered in blood. Trowa mortified stares at the foreign creature in front of him choking on his words as he speaks his lovers name, "H-Hee..ro..."

--Short chapter sorry i wanted to post something I felt bad for not updating it soonerso I figured somethings better than nothing... I will try to keep it on track


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Trowa sits at the table with Duo and Quatre, he stares at his hands clasped together on top of the table. His eyes seem far from himself, as he loses himself in thought. The clock painfully ticks in the background of the deathly silent room. It's been two days since Trowa and Duo had recovered Heero from the OZ base. Heero hasn't spoken a word since the incident, not even to Trowa. It hurt Trowa knowing the man he loved couldn't even confide in him, but than again it hadn't seemed like Heero even confided in himself. Rather, Heero shut his mind and body off.

Trowa shivers thinking of the image of Heero sitting in the corner of the room. For whatever reason, Heero had pulled himself into a corner and ground himself there. Trowa had thought about moving him, even tried, but the boy only whimpered. And whimpering, from Heero at least, was a alien sound that Trowa thought he would never hear. Not even when Trowa had recovered Heero's mangled body from the wreckage of his destructed gundam had he ever heard a whimper. A grunt maybe, more out of annoyance than pain, but never a whimper or a cry. Now, whenever Trowa tried to touch the boy he watched as Heero's muscles would constrict and tighten. Heero would sink into an even smaller ball, grinding his teeth and shutting his eyes as tightly as he could. But no matter how tight he squeezed them shut tears always managed to make there way down the boys cheeks.

"...Trowa...," The silence is broken and I'm ripped from my thoughts. Quatre's voice is soft as he speaks and his eyes speak more painfully than his words, ".. I don't know... how we can help him..."

Trowa nodded slowly, eyes still distant.

"Listen Tro... I don't think there's much else we can do for him.. I mean... well," for the first time even Duo is at a loss for words.

Luckily Quatre knew where he was going, "Trowa... Duo and I were speaking earlier... I have a private cabin. You can help Heero recooperate there... You know... Until he... he comes back to us..."

Quatre's eyes dropped to the table in defeat, " I don't think anyone can do anything for him... except for you Trowa..."

His eyes are glazed over with hurt and sadness, even when he tries to hide it with a smile his eyes could never lie and it's painful for Trowa to look back at him. Trowa sighs, "... He won't even let me touch him... How am I going to help him alone?"

Quatre bit his lip and Duo looked to the floor. Duo spoke in a low and soft voice, "...Heero...Heero won't be able to open up to any of us. He's only opened up to you... Besides, he trusts you.. You just have to..."

Trowa jumps from his seat and slams his fists against the table his voice raised and growling with his growing frustration, " How can I help him!? He won't even let me touch him! He doesn't trust me anymore than anyone else!!"

"Thats...not true...," Quatre's voice would have been missed if Trowa hadn't been listening from the weak response. Quatre's hands are now balled into fists in his lap and his shoulders begin to shake. Eyes filling with tears he shoots a glare to Trowa," He does trust you!! He always has!! He's scared Trowa! He's never dealt with this before! None of us..." Quatre chokes on a sob, " None...of us... could even begin to imagine what happened to him...What broke him.. would have killed us..." His voice grew more and more silent until it died out with his last sentence. Trowa's green eyes went flat and he slowly took back to his seat.

"..I-I'm sorry Quatre... I just..."

"It's ok Trowa... we understand... This isn't easy for any of us either..." Duo sighed leaning back in his chair throwing his arms behind his head and stared down the ceiling above him. "We arranged for the two of you to spend at least a few months there, Quatre's escort will bring you to the location of the safe house. You won't have to worry about anything once you get there. There's food and supplies, medical kits, whatever you need..."

"When will we be leaving," Trowa became calm again, a false calm but calm none the less. He needed to do this for Heero. He needed to find a way to make Heero return to his former self.

"Tomorrow morning, at day break... I know.. I know this maybe hard for you but we have sadatives just in case Heero..., " Quatre begin to trail off but Trowa nodded in understanding.

Trowa stood from the table and nodded his departure to his room. Trowa stepped slowly ascending the stairs. He made it across the hall and stood quietly in front of the door. Reaching out he went to place his hand on the door knob to turn it but was stopped prematurely as he heard Heero sob on the other side of the door. A weight seemed to tug at Trowa's heart as he listened to his Lover cry. Whatever happened to the poor boy, had corrupted his perfect soldier persona and reduced him to a abused child. Trowa took a breath to try to still his heart, but to no avail. He finally grasped the knob and opened the door.

Heero sat in his, now usual, corner knees drawn to his chest and his small arms wrapped around them trying to pull them impossibly closer still. The boy had his head practically buried inbetween his knees and his shoulder shook violently. Trowa's heart ached for the boy, but there was little he could do. Trowa took a few steps towards the weeping boy but stopped as he watched every one of Heero's muscles contract on impulse. Heero became unusually still, his shaking ceasing and his breathing stopping all together. Heero's head slowly tilted up to peer to the invaders direction. His cobalt eyes scaned the room finding the silloutte of a figure before him. His eyes widened and he pushed his feet against the ground to push himself futher against the wall. Trying to melt into them as he had tried so many times to do. Heero's senses were overwelmed by blood and fear. He could see the man in front of him, who he thought to be Zechs, snickering and smirking.

Trowa acted on his immediate reaction, he ran over to the boy and tried to scoop him up in his arms. Heero, though in his weakened state, went into panic. He tried to kick and bite and punch at the man grabbing him. Heero could feel his breath leaving his lungs and he felt as though he was suffocating. Trowa backed away from the flailing boy, tears threatening to fall from his already stinging eyes. Trowa back stepped until he finally collasped on the bed. Sitting up right he moved his hands to his face and pushed them though his hair.

Heero had begun to calm down after fifteen minutes of whimpering, crying, and groaning. He was now pulled tightely in the same position he sat in the night before. Trowa stared at the boy feeling defeated, " Heero..."

Even his name made the boy flinch, Trowa's heart pounded even worse in his chest.

Trowa thought to himself staring at the blank ceiling above,_ I'll get you back Heero... I promise... I'll kill whatever inner-demons you may have..._


	4. Chapter 4

Today it would change; he had to cover some ground with Heero. He couldn't allow the man he loved waste his life away in a corner like some caged animal. The former glow of a proud lion that Trowa had come to adore so much was absent from his lovers eyes; now replaced by that of a frightened child. He had to force Heero to eat; putting food in front of him didn't so much as peak the boys curiosity. Instead he stared blankly at the contents in the bowl. Trowa felt pain sting sharper at his heart. Heero had retreated and given up; he's slowly allowing himself to die.

"I won't allow this to go on anymore Heero," Heero's eyes hadn't so much as shifted as Trowa spoke; but he reacted quickly to watch Trowa's feet as Trowa advanced forward. It had been two weeks and no progress; for two weeks Trowa patiently waited for Heero to react to anything. For two weeks the boy fasted and refused to take in moisture. Though painful to admit it in his weakened state Heero could do little to fight the Latin boy; and Trowa needed to use that fact to his advantage. He would have to feed Heero; wash him; and he would have to try to get the boy to react to his touch. He needed him to find comfort in his words and solace in his hold. He needed Heero to trust him; but he would have to risk losing that trust to do that.

Trowa took more cautious steps forward to Heero; his hands held up and head bowed to show some sort of submission. He could see Heero visibly tense and hear the boy whimper softly as he retreated himself back to press up as close as he could get to the wall behind him. Trowa fought the sigh and held back the knot growing in his throat. Only a foot away from Heero he lowered himself very slowly to his knees, still careful not to make eye contact. He remained in that position watching Heero's chest rapidly rise and fall; he wanted to wait for his breathing to settle into a normal rhythm but he knew it wouldn't happen. Just like he knew the boy would stare at him fearful instead of clasping his weakened arms around Trowa's neck and hold him. He wished desperately that Heero would reach out and ask for his help. He prayed Heero would snap out of the trauma like state that overcame his senses.

Trowa slowly and carefully lowered his hands; Heero's eyes following every movement closely. Trowa's hands reached out towards Heero; his arms moving to encircle around the frail and damaged boy. This had ended badly last time; the pain of rejection was too much for Trowa to handle but he refused to be deterred this time. He quickly took Heero into his arms; making sure not to pin the boys arms or make him feel like he was being confined. He had to make it feel like a comforting gesture not a dominating one. He knew it wouldn't stop Heero's initial reaction to the physical contact but he also knew that if he prevailed he might gain some trust.

Heero weakly fought Trowa's hold; trying to fight him off, but without any food in his system and dehydration becoming far to evident there was no way he could fight him off. Heero gave in after what seemed like an eternity to Trowa; in actuality only forty five minutes. Quickly Trowa took the opportunity to lift a near by water bottle to Heero's dry lips. The boy at first spat out the liquid but rather quickly sucked the contents of the bottle rather greedily. His body's instinct overcoming his original demeanor. Soon Trowa was able to feed the boy as well; Heero would whimper and tense in Trowa's grip. He ate with his eyes closed for the majority of the time; refusing to look at Trowa. His hands balled into tight fists at his side; Trowa fought back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes as he watched blood pool from the boy's finger tips. After feeding him he carefully made sure to hold Heero firmly as he reached down with his free hand to gently pry open Heero's balled fists; his other hand stroking the boy's hair," It's ok Heero…I'm here to help; let me help you… please.." Trowa felt Heero's body go limp in his arms; the steady rhythm of breathing indicating he was asleep; he stayed by Heero's side until he felt his own tiredness overcome him. He didn't want to separate himself from Heero and although Heero might not have voluntarily fallen asleep he didn't want to think of what the boy might do if he woke up with Trowa holding him. Trowa sighed; Well he damn sure would just have to find out. He wasn't going to leave Heero like this.

Trowa scooped the thinning boy into his arms and walked over to the bed placing the boy down gently trying not to wake him. He kissed the boy's forehead and settled himself into the bed gathering the boy into his arms. Hopefully he would wake before Heero.

Not to surprisingly Trowa frowned as he woke up alone in the bed; Heero had retreated to his usual corner. Trowa sighed and pulled himself up from the bed, "Good morning…"

He knew the other wouldn't respond but he needed to greet the boy; it would be helpful he hoped, "I'll go make us breakfast; you're hungry right?"

Heero only lowered his head back down to his knees wrapping his arms protectively around himself; Trowa smiled sadly, "I'll take that as a yes." Trowa exited the room and made his way to the kitchen quickly pulling out what he would need to make them for breakfast. He set everything on the counter before holding the edge of the counter and leaning his weight on it. He sighed hanging his head low; at least Heero didn't seem to freak out this morning. He was quiet enough not to wake him; but that worried Trowa a bit more. Either the boy had trusted him a bit more or perhaps he was frightened to wake him, "I just wish I knew what you were thinking…"

Soft padded foot steps drew him out of his daze; Trowa turned his head slightly to see Heero standing in the door way. More or less anyway; he was more so peering in than standing in the door way. But it was an accomplishment none the less; Heero had only moved to relieve himself but that was it. And he never went to a room he knew Trowa was in; did he somehow get through to him a little bit?

Trowa waited to see if Heero would enter but the boy made no movement what so ever; he just stared. It was a little unnerving for Trowa; he felt like he was being analyzed; and it hurt thinking that the attention from Heero was only brought on by fear not curiosity or love. After almost ten minutes Trowa admitted defeat; Heero wasn't going to budge. So he turned his attention back to cooking. Soon after beginning to crack the eggs in a bowl and set the bacon in the frying pan he noticed faint hesitant foot steps make their way closer. Trowa could feel his heart beating hard in his chest as he begged silently that the boy would continue advancing forward. He was both happy and depressed when he heard Heero pull out a seat at the table; he wanted so bad for Heero to wrap his arms around his waist and kiss the back of his neck. He imagined Heero whispering in a husky and sleepy voice, '_Ohayo gozaimasu koi_ ..'. But it was good enough to Trowa that Heero even brought himself in his own presence on his own. It did little to ease his arching heart; but it was something. Finishing up cooking the meal he carefully set a plate near Heero and choose to eat his own meal across from the boy against the counter. He wanted Heero to eat and he knew that he wouldn't if he was too close.

"Eat Heero," Trowa commanded softly; and the boy a little shaky complied. Trowa didn't like to command him but he figured it would be the only way to get him to do much of anything. In the past two weeks it was only when Trowa gave short commands that Heero would respond. He had to be a bit more forceful but he tried every other tactic before resorting to that. He wanted Heero to trust him not make him fear him and submit. Trowa sighed softly as he played with the food on his plate with his fork; not to interested to really eat any of it.

"Eat…"

The voice was soft; so soft to the point where he almost didn't catch it. Trowa leveled his eyes with Heero's and the boy quietly turned back to his own plate. Trowa smiled after his initial shock, "Sorry; I will Heero. Thank you." Trowa began to pick at his plate and hummed with approval as he watched Heero begin to eat as well. Trowa wanted to sit down with the boy but he feared that Heero would retreat to the room so he fought his urge and kept his feet planted to the ground he stood on. After the meals Trowa collected the plates; he bit back a frown as Heero closed his eyes when he reached for the plate in front of him. Trowa set the plates in the sink than moved to set a cup of water on the table before moving to the door way; only when Trowa's feet make it to the plush carpet did Heero open his eyes, "I'm going to take a shower. When I'm done I'd like you to do the same; if you could."

With that Trowa exited the room and smiled as he heard Heero gulping down the water. Making it to the bathroom he quickly stripped himself of his usual turtle neck and faded blue jeans. Turning on the water to the correct temperature he pulled off his boxers and stepped into the shower. The hot water did wonders for his tense muscles, but it couldn't help his tormented mind. He wanted Heero back; he wanted Heero to touch him again. Wanted Heero to hold him and kiss him; reassure him that everything would be ok. He hated himself for not finding Heero sooner; for not knowing that something went wrong. Zech's should have never gotten a chance to touch Heero; Trowa slammed his fist into the wall and whimpered. It wasn't the pain that made the noise spill from his throat; it was the tears that now fell from his eyes. It was the ragged uncontrollable breaths that rattled his body, "I'm..so sorry..Heero..I ..I couldn't…"

-------------------

Ok A million billion trillion apologies for not getting this out sooner! I'm SORRY!!!!!!!!!! Gomen Gomen Gomen - don't hate me ……. I haven't abandoned this I just had waaaaaaaay to many story ideas developing in this little head o mine……. But anyway I promise a longer chapter next time please Review and Sorry for the extremely long delay -_-'


	5. Chapter 5

Since Heero uttered that single word he hadn't said anything in the slightest since. Trowa was beginning to think he'd never live to see the day he spoke again. Days and weeks dragged on in routine. Trowa would wake up shortly after the sun only to find Heero in his corner. He would prepare breakfast and summon Heero. He never actually ate at the table with Heero he would take his usual spot standing at the counter and wait for Heero to take his first bite before taking a bite of his own. It was a unspoken declaration that he would not eat if Heero did not eat. For some reason it worked and Trowa found it hard not to credit it to how protective Heero was with him before his last mission. He knew that if he had given it full credit he would only be setting himself up for a more devastating pain if it were only out of mere routine and not his lover's instinctive protectiveness. After cleaning up Trowa would take the day to try to stir some memories from the once deadly pilot. He talked about friends; experiences… though he was careful not to indulge in to much about their relationship or the things they had done together. But it was like he was speaking to a complete stranger; nothing seemed to register and it was difficult for Trowa to handle. Trowa would sometimes have to leave the room or walk around the small cabin and get fresh air in order to control his impatient temper. He would rage over the agonizingly slow process and how he was completely and utterly useless to Heero. He wanted the boy back and the more and more this dragged on the more he fought with himself internally. He knew that Heero had always had very concrete emotional barriers. Perhaps concrete wouldn't cut it; it was more along the lines of a gundanium fortress! But still; he never would have imagined that due to such a trauma he could raise those barriers to this extent. Heero cut himself off from not just the memories of that particular mission; he had shut down his brain all together to just the most raw and primal instincts. Instincts needed to survive and live; to be safe. Altogether sacrificing what little humanity he had left. Heero was now only a shell; a body with no mind running behind it. Perhaps there was something there but Heero didn't show it… any of it. He buried his emotions; ironic to Trowa because the man was supposed to live by them not hide from them. He knew though, that he couldn't blame this on Heero. The state he was in; the things Trowa could only imagine were done to him… But he wanted… needed… and knew that he would obtain Heero back to his former self. No matter how much self-doubt he held he knew it was something nonnegotiable. So he would speak; read; tell stories; show pictures; anything handy. He would ask questions only to get no answers. He wasn't sure if Heero was taking in the words at all; but doubt that the boy wasn't listening was dismissed when he mentioned key commands that Heero had learned to obey. Sleep being one of them. Heero's eyes would flicker something close to panic at the command; he would retreat to the corner in the bedroom even though he knew that Trowa wasn't going to allow him to sleep there. He would pull Heero into bed; which was becoming a little harder considering he was now forcing his young love to keep a healthy diet and sleeping routine. Heero regained some of his strength and Trowa was solemnly thankful that he hadn't seemed to re-learn how to apply it. He prayed that perhaps subconsciously Heero couldn't bring himself to hurt him but he knew that way of thinking was foolish and liable to damage his aching heart further. Heero would struggle; kick and fuss but it would die down; mayhap after a few bruises scratches or broken skin but he would begin to submit eventually. Trowa would than fall asleep holding the young boy and wake up the next morning alone in the bed and Heero holding his knees to his chest in the corner.

Today was no exception. Trowa frowned deeply as his hands met nothing but cold air and empty sheets. His emerald orbs peering out over the thin covers and through his auburn hair to take in the sight of his lover asleep in the corner. Heero's head buried in his arms resting right on top of his knees. The messy brown locks were all that was visible from the boys head. Trowa could only sigh before swinging his feet over the bed and connecting them to the cold floor; he felt a pane of guilt that Heero would retreat to the cold floor at night. He had to be freezing; he refused to wrap any blankets around his body. Trowa assumed the idea or feeling of being constricted by it somehow played against Heero's psyche… but than again, everything seemed to draw a negative reaction from the brunette. Ok so that was an exaggeration but for Christ sake it sure seemed like it to Trowa.

Routine than followed; but Trowa noted Heero seemed to be more hesitant than usual. He flinched when Trowa put the plate down on the table, which was irritated him. Sure physical contact still made the boy slightly flinch; or even getting to closer but that didn't change the frustration building in Trowa's chest. Lately he was finding himself to get more and more agitated and far too easily. The wait was starting to wan on his nerves and the stress was slowly building in around him. It's not like he could vent or find much of an escape to clear his mind; other than his brief walks outside he really didn't have any other way to release any tension. To make matters worse Heero was now just staring at his plate blankly. Trowa grimaced, both at Heero and his thoughts. He wanted to shake the boy and scream for him to wake up; and that was quite the accomplishment considering Trowa usually always kept his cool. Maybe that's why the others thought he could do this on his own. But how could he; how could he?

Trowa couldn't take it any more; he had to get away from the pitiful sight before him. He had to take a moment to himself before he lost himself. He couldn't stare into those haunting eyes anymore. He couldn't take the blank stares or empty features; not for another second. He dropped his own plate none to gently against the counter as he quickly went to exit the room. His grimace only further deepened when he caught Heero's thin form jump at the noise than tighten. A low growl reached Heero's ears as Trowa past through the doorway; he bowed his head down.

Trowa all but slammed the door to his bedroom and allowed himself to collapse stomach first onto the bed; he wanted to scream. No need;… wrong again… he had to… now…

Trowa held the pillow tight against his face and did just that; he screamed. He screamed until his voice rasped. He screamed until he choke for air; screamed until his tears soaked the fabric pressed so firmly against him. His screams were muffled; no doubt Heero hadn't heard them. Or at least, that's what he hoped. He didn't want to deal with the consequences of startling the messy brown haired youth. He was tired; just simply tired. He didn't know how much more he could handle. Let alone if he could continue on alone like this. Heero was here in body; but it wasn't his Heero. Which made him feel totally and utterly alone. His sobs turned into short gasps of air until they began to subside. He needed to scream and he did; but he felt it did little to ease his tempered heart and mind.

A loud creak from the door caused Trowa to tense; head still buried deep into the pillow. His breath ceased immediately as he listened to the figure now looming in the doorway. Seconds that seemed as though they were hours ticked by until he heard it. He wasn't sure at first but he soon determined without a doubt that he had heard the quiet noise.

"Tr-Tro…trowa…."

Trowa very slowly and cautiously lifted his head; blood shot eyes meet cobalt in an instant. Trowa felt his heart constrict as the cobalt eyes flashed with what he thought was fear until they went dead. Trowa had to confirm that he had heard Heero's voice. He had to know that the boy still recognized something about him; had to some how see something anything!

"Say it again," Trowa began softly, "Please Heero…," Trowa now pleaded. After a moment of silence between the two pilots Trowa choked out, "Say it again Heero!"

Heero flinched at the sudden incline of Trowa's voice and it didn't go unnoticed by the other. Trowa saw the boy shake involuntarily; the reaction set Trowa's stomach on fire. He felt his gut twist and his face tighten. Anger quickly rose in his heart which steadily made it's way throughout his system, "Dammit Heero! Say it!"

Trowa shot up from the bed and quickly closed the distance between the two; Heero's only response was to bow his head and slowly try to cower away from the now raging man in front of him. This only caused Trowa to lose himself more to his stress and temper. Trowa grabbed both of Heero's wrists and pinned them and the boy against the wall, "Say it Heero! SAY IT!"

Heero's head hung lower and his eyes seemed to distance himself further from himself; an enraged Trowa ground his teeth than bore his eyes into the pitiful sight of his former lover. Accusations soon followed in loud and hurt cries, "You're supposed to be the perfect soldier! You're supposed to handle any situation; anything! Everything! Why can't you snap out of this! Why can't you come back to me Heero! Why can't you just say my fucking name! WHY!" Trowa demanded until he heard a low whisper which silenced him immediately and brought him down from his crippling rage; as the boy slumped against Trowa's tight grip he heard the sound of the whispered mantra, "Gomen...Gomen…Gomen...Gomen..."

Trowa felt his heart cave as he realized just what he had done. He quickly pulled away from Heero and turned back towards the room; there was nothing he could do or say. He may have just ruined everything; what little progress he had made was still progress and now more than likely he had just erased everything. He couldn't stand to look into his lover's eyes or heard the crippling pleas; he couldn't stand the guilt that now overwhelmed him. He knew it wasn't Heero's fault; nothing could have prepared him for something so traumatic. Yet there he was yelling at the top of his lungs at the man he loved; _it wasn't his fault_. Trowa sat at the edge of the bed; back faced to the open doorway, "it's not…it's not his fault…"

The auburn haired man curled himself onto the bed and stared blankly ahead of him. He even remained motionless and completely silent as Heero entered the room; which he assumed Heero was making his way to his protected corner. However, Trowa was startled to see and feel the boy climb into the bed next to him. The moment he made contact with Trowa he was visibly shaking and Trowa could feel the boy's body tremble. Heero faced Trowa on the bed; both lying on their sides staring into each others eyes. Heero's shaky hand moved it's way to Trowa's face; uneasy fingers trembling against the pale skin. Trowa closed his eyes to fight back the tears willing to seep out; the touch felt so familiar to him. A touch only his lover could give him; but he knew it wasn't the same. He knew that the sensation of Heero's finger tips against his cheeks wasn't the same as it had been before than damned mission, but it didn't stop his heart from racing. How he longed for that touch again; it was painful knowing that the touch he truly longed for was denied.

Trowa gathered the boy into his arms and pulled him flush against his own body; Heero gasped and tensed, initially, but soon relaxed in the other boys arms. "I'm so sorry Heero; this isn't your fault… I'm sorry…." Trowa buried his nose into the messy brown locks and took in Heero's scent; it made his eyes tear again. God he felt so weak and absolutely ridiculous. He wasn't one to give in to such primal emotions but it now seemed almost unavoidable. He was lonely; he was hurt; he was afraid and his heart longed for closure and escape. But he could only imagine how Heero must have, and still, felt. Both boys stayed locked in place as they drifted off into sleep.

Dawn came to soon for Trowa; but his usual morning routine grimace was oddly absent this day. Heero laid still in Trowa's arms; hands holding tight onto the fabric of his shirt and head buried deep into his chest. For once Trowa decided to sleep in after the sun and enjoy the time Heero had given him.

Sorry it's late Ack I'm having trouble writing this now --- actually I'm having trouble with all my fictions lately…. Writers block and a deadly case at that …….. Let me know how I'm doing k! Please REVIEW Thank you!


End file.
